Open Letter to Parents: Two Philosophies To Guide Them (Part II)
Dear Parents,
Every word you say and every response you exhibit to your son or daughter will shape the voice in their head—influencing their attitude, motivation, belief, and even their fears. Your powerful influence on your child’s perspective is a reminder to step back and reflect on the messages you may be sending, consciously or unconsciously. By staying mindful of this, you can help guide your wrestler’s development using proven principles.
The Growth Mindset
The second core philosophy that I hope to impart is the concept of Growth Mindset, popularized by the work of Dr. Carol Dweck. Her famous study showed that children who were praised for their innate talent (e.g., "You’re so smart!") were less likely to persevere when faced with challenges, while children praised for their effort (e.g., "You worked so hard!") were more likely to push through difficulty. Why? Because when a child believes their success is tied to something fixed (like being "smart"), any struggle becomes evidence that they are not smart enough. But when a child believes success comes from effort, hard work, and strategy—all things they can control—they’re much more willing to keep trying.
Another landmark study related to this idea observed that children who were given external rewards for engaging in activities, like painting, that they already naturally enjoyed eventually lost their intrinsic motivation for the activity. By contrast, children who were encouraged to enjoy the process and focus on effort maintained their passion and motivation. This research highlights a key aspect of a growth mindset—when the focus shifts from external rewards (like taking home a trophy or a ranking) to intrinsic effort and process, motivation and engagement are sustained over time.
This is a critical perspective to hold in our sport. Wrestling is not a "game of perfect” or immediacy. It’s a sport of sustainability, grit, and perseverance. Even world-class athletes like David Taylor and Kyle Dake—two of the biggest former stars in Division 1 wrestling—each took five years to earn a spot on their first World Team after finishing college. Their success wasn’t immediate, and it wasn’t guaranteed. It was built through steady, patient growth. Wrestling rewards those who believe they can improve and who are willing to do the work. This is why I emphasize the importance of praising effort, attitude, and the act of stepping into the arena—not outcomes, medals, or wins.
How You Can Support This Philosophy
For these philosophies to become woven into your wrestler’s identity, reinforcement from you, the parent, is critical. We are shaping their internal voice, and we want that voice to say,
"I measure myself on my effort, toughness, focus and improvement. I wrestle because I love it."
Joe Nord
Warrior Steps Mindset Training
Interested in a deeper dive into this philosophy? I highly recommend the book Mindset by Carol Dweck
